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Shloshim, 30th day and anniversary

On the morning of the last day of seven days of mourning, when shiva ends, those mourning the deceased must take off the clothes they were wearing during kriah (tearing the lapel or collar as a sign of grief) and put on everyday clothes, which should not be new. After the shiva is over, mourners can work and go about their normal daily activities. Meanwhile, it is believed that before starting work and personal affairs, mourners should visit the grave of the deceased in whose honor they sat for a seven-day shiva. However, there is no direct obligation to do this in Halakha.

After shiva comes shloshim, a 30-day but less severe period of mourning. The main thing here is the prohibition on cutting and shaving. It is worth noting that this period of prohibition applies to those grieving for a son, daughter, brother or sister. Those who mourn the loss of their mother and father must adhere to it even after shloshim, except in cases where they may be reproached by loved ones or relatives for looking too overgrown.

In shloshim, mourners are prohibited from attending various festivities, listening to music, or indulging in other pleasures. They must also pray in a minyan three times a day, where they must recite Kaddish. It is believed that this helps the soul of the deceased, who has appeared before the judgment of the Almighty.

On the thirtieth day after the death of a Jew, it is necessary to arrange a memorial ceremony (azkara) at his grave. It includes reading the relevant chapters of Tehillim, followed by the Kaddish and the funeral prayer “El Malei Rachamim.” Here words should be said in memory of the deceased, which contain consolation for those mourning him, as well as instructions for others present at the ceremony.

When leaving, you should place a small pebble on the grave in memory of the deceased and as a sign of visiting his final resting place.

Upon leaving the cemetery, it is customary to wash your hands, but you should not wipe them, as this symbolizes the desire to preserve for a longer time the memory of the deceased and the place of his burial.

12 months of mourning are observed only for the deceased father or mother. Throughout this period, Jews must refrain from all kinds of fun, not buy new things or clothes unless absolutely necessary, and not move to a new house. The anniversary of the death is celebrated according to the Jewish calendar. When this day comes, you should light a memorial candle, which should burn around the clock. The person who is obliged to do this must also recite Kaddish on this day. After a year, the deceased is also remembered on the days when Jews say the funeral prayer yizkor: Yom Kippur, Shemini Atzeret, the seventh day of Passover and Shavuot.

According to Jewish customs, a memorial sign (monument) can be placed on a grave on the 30th day, or after the anniversary of death.